4-Month Sleep Regression (my tips + tricks, and what I wish I had done)
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re in the trenches of the infamous 4-month sleep regression. First of all, let me say: I see you. I’ve been there (twice!), and the lack of sleep and extra fussiness can send you to a really dark place.
These weeks were some of the most exhausting, overwhelming, and emotional moments of my life as a parent. I’ve found that sleep challenges make me feel like a failure (thanks perfectionism!) which starts a cycle of negative self talk and feeling depressed.
However, this time around I was able to manage these feelings a lot better by using some techniques for both me and baby to keep my wellbeing in tact.
So even though this kind of post is a little different for me, I think community in motherhood is SO important! And as a lot of us don’t have a village in real life I’m hoping that sharing what I learned might help someone else navigate this challenging phase and feel less alone.
Lean on Your Partner (and Line Up Extra Help)
This is something that only occurred to me after the regression was done but it probably would have been one of the best things I could have done for myself, and that is getting my partner to take a few days or even a week off work.
Being alone at home with a crying baby isn’t a good place to be, so having him there to help calm or put the baby to sleep during the day would have made all the difference. Even just having him ready to step in when I reached my limit would have been really comforting. It would have also given me the option to share the night wakings as he wouldn’t have had a long commute to do the next day.
And if you have a baby (like me) that refuses anyone else, having a partner around to make me meals, make sure I was drinking enough, batch cook and clean the house would have helped me feel less like I was drowning.
For the times when my partner wasn’t available I had to swallow all my pride and ego and actually ask for help from friends, in-laws and parents. This is so hard, but so necessary. Explain that it’s a particularly tough time and that you need some extra support with holding the baby, meeting you out for a coffee, bringing you food etc.
For many people there may be no one to reach out to so if that is you then hopefully the other tips in this post will help ease the HUGE strain of doing it alone (sending a big hug!).
2. Lower Standards for Meals
During this phase, survival is the goal. This probably isn’t the time to aim for home-cooked vibrant colourful meals with loads of variety. It’s more likely to look like ultra-simple meals or takeout (and that’s coming from a nutritionist!).
For nearly a month me and my family lived on quick pastas and tray bakes for main meals. There were still ways I made these nutritious, for example I spent a little extra on pre-made pasta sauces that used natural ingredients and added a protein like omega 3 rich mackerel or pre-cooked chicken breast and I bought pre-chopped veggies for the traybakes which cut cooking time in half!
Breakfast was a lot of quick toasts but I’d try to add hummus or avocado instead of just butter for extra protein. And for lunches bone broth soba noodle bowls were a super quick healthy option, but a lot of the time I just had to make a toast again as I needed something I could eat with one hand - and that’s okay!
I rotated between these meals, and it worked. And on the days I couldn’t face cooking or was nap trapped(!) my husband could also easily take over cooking duties without needing detailed instructions or any input from me, which lessened the mental load immensely.
Something I wished I’d done: In hindsight I would have tried to prep and freeze some meals in advance before the regression started so if this is an option for you - do it!
3. Getting Out of the House
For the first couple of weeks of the regression I was too scared to leave the house because I didn’t know how fussy my baby would be or if it would make her sleep even worse, but being stuck inside with a crying baby felt like the walls were closing in on me. I finally reached a point where I just had to get out and when I did my baby was surprisingly happy!
Once I realised that she cried a lot less when I was out I started to leave the house as much as possible. It was bit challenging to find the energy after a night of hardly any sleep but it gave me a break from crying which was definitely worth it.
Some things that I did out of the house were;
charity shopping/thrifting
trying different coffee shops
treating myself to a slice of nice cake
walking in a park
window shopping
driving somewhere new
making plans with friends
4. Navigating the Toddler-Baby Dynamic
If you only have one child then feel free to skip this one, but with a toddler in the mix, I became obsessed with keeping the house quiet while putting the baby down. Of course, my toddler couldn’t be stealthy silent, and trying to force that just made everything more stressful.
Eventually, we found a rhythm: I’d put on a TV show (something semi-educational, which eased my guilt) while I put the baby down. Once the baby was asleep, I used the next 20 minutes of nap time to tidy up, eat, or just breathe. Or if it was a nap where baby needed to be held I could go in another room or sit next to my toddler quietly without worrying about him banging loud toys or shouting.
During those weeks all I felt like all I was doing was parking my toddler in front of the TV and I felt so guilty, but when I actually stopped to add up how much screen time he was actually getting it was about 2-3 hours, which still left 9 hours of play and connection. Once I did those calculations it made me feel a bit better.
Now that the regression is over, we’ve gone back to less screen time, and I’m grateful for the temporary relief it gave me.
5. Get Baby to Sleep (However You Can)
I’ve fallen victim to worrying about creating bad habits or having anxiety over the fact that my baby will never self settle if I help them to sleep but after doing this twice, I can firmly say that in my opinion trying to get your baby to fall asleep on their own during the 4-month regression is a recipe for a mental health breakdown.
My strategy was more around getting my baby to sleep quickly with the least amount of crying. So for me this looked like a lot of rocking to sleep at first and then eventually using the pram as she slept great in that. The pram was also an awesome option as it saved my back from endless rocking and I could go for a walk mid-nap to extend her sleep cycles (which worked once or twice).
Even with all this support, one day I went to get her dummy before she was due to sleep and when I came back she had put herself to sleep without any fuss, which is when I knew we’d turned a corner and no bad habits were created.
6. Track Sleep (and Use Tools to Lighten the Load)
I tracked absolutely everything for my first which I didn’t want to do this time, and for the first few months I didn’t, but actually once the regression came I found I was so exhausted and all over the place with life that tracking things actually became helpful again.
I use the Huckleberry app and paid for the ‘sweet spot’ feature (best £13 I’ve spent!) which meant that when my mum and husband took over to give me a break they knew when she needed her next sleep without having to ask me or involve me at all which allowed me to switch off entirely.
7. Setting Myself Up for Success Each Morning
This is something I didn’t prioritise every morning but I really wish I had because when I did I always had a much better day!
In the morning I would either put baby in the bouncer or my husband would take her for 15 minutes before he went to work. During this time I’d do this routine:
Put on some comfy clothes that made me feel somewhat put together like a fitness or loungewear set.
Splash my face with water, moisturise, brush my hair and clip it back (there is nothing more overstimulating than hair being pulled or it falling in your face when you’re already overwhelmed!!)
Get all of my baby’s nap essentials together, and items like headphones/book/pram ready by the front door incase I needed to do a last minute walk to get baby to sleep.
I’d drink a large glass of water and eat a quick bit of food like a handful of nuts or cereal bar.
This 4-step routine helped me get ahead of myself so when that first nap rolled around I was able to move quickly and get out if I needed it, rather than still being in my pyjamas, feeling hangry and house trapped!
8. Have a Backup Plan
What I found really useful when putting the baby to sleep was repeating a mental list of backup strategies to myself. I would plan the next step if what I was doing in the moment didn’t work and it lessened my stress because I always had something else to try. Here’s what my list looked like:
Rocking in arms
Rocking chair
Pram in the house
Pram on a walk
Car ride
If none of these work, take a break for 30 minutes and start again
9. My Baby Sleep Toolkit
Before the regression my baby needed very little to go to sleep, literally a cuddle and a boob would do the trick! But once the regression started I found that my baby needed several things to help her go to sleep. These were my go-to tools and the routine that I followed before nap times:
Check nappy/offer milk
Go into a quiet space
Make the room dim by shutting a blind or turning on a small light (pitch black seemed to stress her out)
Turn on white noise — I used to put this on quite quietly but she responded better when I put it on quite loudly (away from her ears)
Put in a dummy (and have plenty to hand in case one gets lost/dropped!) - both my babies loved dummies for sleep
Place a small (safe) soft toy for her to hold because I noticed that she absolutely loved holding things found a lot of comfort in it
Tuck her in with a sleeping bag or foot muff (if in the pram) to make sure she was warm enough
Sing the same song at every nap/bedtime which didn’t work at first but after a week or so I could tell it helped get her sleepy
Rock her in my arms or in pram until drowsy
Lastly I would gently stroke down her nose, across her eyebrows and cheeks which would normally send her to sleep
There were some days when even all of this wouldn’t work but 9 times out of 10 it did.
10. Take Time for Yourself
During the regression, my baby stopped taking a bottle, which made me feel even more trapped. But I reminded myself that she only needed to feed every 2-3 hours, leaving me small windows to step away. I forced myself to book a nail appointment and meet friends. It was only a small amount of respite but it helped keep my head above water.
And on the days where leaving the house felt too overwhelming, either my mum or husband would watch the baby while I went into another room with noise-cancelling headphones. One particularly restorative practice for me was journaling while listening to spa music. I’d pour out all my frustrations and overwhelm onto paper. It was literally like a mini therapy session.
Also long showers helped me, as the water drowned out the sound of any crying whilst I could wash my hair, do a face mask and have a bit of a pamper session!
To End…
Through it all, this mantra kept me going: “I can support my baby to sleep, but it is NOT my job to get them to sleep.” Repeat it. Believe it.
Although it doesn’t feel like it in the moment, this phase is temporary and it will end as quickly as it started and you’ll be back to more predictable sleep patterns and a happier baby but in the meantime I want you to know you’re doing an incredible job!
I made it through, and so will you. Hang in there.
Lots of love, Alex x